A plan for one longer visit, for you or someone else, so you see what a short visit or a phone call can miss.
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What’s on it
- When to plan the visit
- What to do before you arrive
- What to notice during an ordinary day together
- What to ask, with your parent’s permission
- What to do afterward
- A table for comparing notes with the family member who sees your parent most
How to use it
Spend an ordinary day together. Don’t take over, but step in if anything looks unsafe, especially with medicines.
Use it with the What I’m Noticing log, and compare what you saw with what the person who visits most usually sees.
Where it comes from
This tool comes from Chapter 2, “Fine for Everyone but You,” of When Mom or Dad Can No Longer Manage Alone by Mark Duda. The chapter covers why a parent can seem fine on a short visit, and how to see the whole picture.
Related reading on this site
- She’s fine for everyone but you
- When you live four states away
- Why Your Parent Seems Fine at the Doctor but Not at Home
All 18 tools from the book are on the printable tools page.
The tools may be printed and copied for personal use within your own family. They are not medical, legal or financial advice.