How to vet and interview an aide

You are about to leave a stranger alone in a house with the most vulnerable person you love. Interview for that — not for a résumé.

Most guides hand you a list of questions about certifications and years of experience. Those matter, a little. But they screen for the wrong thing. The two ways home care actually goes wrong are not “she didn’t know how to do a transfer.” They are: a caregiver mistreats or takes advantage of someone who can’t always report it — and the fit is wrong, and the whole arrangement falls apart in three weeks.

A skills quiz catches neither. This page is built to catch both.

Before the interview: the groundwork

Two things to have settled before anyone sits down.

Know exactly what the job is. Not “help my mom” — the actual hours, the actual tasks, the actual level of care. You cannot judge whether someone fits a job you haven’t defined, and you’ll either overhire or underhire. If you haven’t nailed this down yet, that’s the first step, and there’s a tool for it below.

Write it down as a real job description. Days, hours, duties, must-haves, deal-breakers, and who else is in the home (including pets — a genuine issue for allergies and phobias). A written description does double duty: it tells the caregiver what they’re walking into, and it gives you a fixed thing to interview against instead of a vibe.

The interview: ask for stories and scenarios, not credentials

Anyone can say “yes, I have experience with dementia.” What you want is to watch them think. Ask questions that force a real answer.

Scenario questions — these reveal temperament

• “My mother refuses to shower for three days and gets angry when it’s brought up. Walk me through what you’d do.” You’re listening for patience and creativity, not force. Anyone who reaches quickly for “I’d insist” is telling you something.
• “She accuses you of stealing something she’s actually misplaced. What happens next?” This is daily reality with dementia. You want someone who doesn’t take it personally and doesn’t argue.
• “You find her on the floor and she says she’s fine and begs you not to tell anyone. What do you do?” The right answer involves telling you anyway. Someone who’d keep a fall secret to avoid conflict is dangerous.
• “It’s the end of your shift and the next caregiver hasn’t arrived. What do you do?” You’re testing whether they’d ever leave your parent alone. The only acceptable answer is that they wouldn’t, and they’d call you.

Character and history questions

• “What do you find hardest about this work?” Everyone who’s really done it has an honest answer. A too-smooth “nothing, I love it all” is a person who hasn’t done it, or won’t be straight with you.
• “Tell me about a client you struggled with.” You’re listening for how they talk about a vulnerable person who was difficult. Contempt here is a hard no.
• “Why did you leave your last position?” Listen for whether they badmouth the family. Someone who trashes their last employer will trash you.
• “What would you do if you disagreed with how we wanted something done?” You want someone who’ll raise it with you — not someone who’ll quietly do it their own way, and not someone with no spine at all.

A good caregiver interviews you back

One quiet green flag: the best caregivers ask you questions. What’s her routine? What does she like? What’s the goal — recovery, long-term stability, giving the family a break? What would be a deal-breaker for them? A caregiver who’s only answering, never asking, is either inexperienced or just wants the job. The ones who’ll actually be good are already thinking about the person.

The background check: screen for the two real risks

This is not optional, and if you’re hiring directly, it’s on you. (An agency does it — ask to see proof, don’t take the flyer’s word.) The two things you’re actually screening for:

Abuse and neglect of a vulnerable adult. Run a criminal background check. Check your state’s elder-abuse and nurse-aide registries — many states maintain lists of people found to have abused, neglected, or exploited vulnerable adults, and this is exactly what they’re for. If the caregiver will drive your parent, pull a driving record too.

Financial exploitation. This is the risk families forget, and it’s the most common form of elder abuse. Consider a credit check (with written consent) if the person will have any access to money or documents — someone in acute financial distress is under more temptation. And regardless of the check, set the account structures up so that opportunity is limited from day one: no access to account numbers, no blank checks, receipts for every purchase.

To run these you’ll need the caregiver’s cooperation: full legal name, date of birth, and signed consent for a background and reference check. Refusing consent is itself the answer. A caregiver who won’t agree to a background check has told you everything.

Check references — and know what you’re legally allowed to ask

Actually call them. Two or three, ideally past clients or their families, not friends. Ask open questions: What were their duties? Were they reliable? How did they handle an emergency? Would you hire them again — and why did they leave?

Two cautions. A reference who is vague, unresponsive, or oddly over-enthusiastic can signal a problem or a fake. And there are questions you are not legally allowed to ask a caregiver or their references — anything about age, religion, disability, national origin, marital status, or health. Stick to the work: what they did, how well, and whether they’d be trusted again.

The trial shift: the most predictive hour you’ll spend

Here is the step the question-lists skip, and it’s the one that works.

Before you commit, pay for a trial shift — a few hours, or a full day, with your parent, with you present or nearby. No interview reveals what a real shift reveals. You’ll see whether they’re warm or brisk, whether they watch for hazards without being told, whether your mother relaxes or stiffens around them, whether they fill the quiet or force it.

Watch your parent more than the caregiver. Her body language will tell you things she may not say out loud. If she’s at ease, that’s worth more than any reference. If she’s tense and can’t say why, believe it.

One paid trial day is cheaper than a bad hire you have to unwind in three weeks — and far cheaper than one you don’t catch.

Include your parent. This is the step families skip and regret.

The most common way a good hire fails: the adult children chose the caregiver, and the parent — who was never really asked — quietly resists, cancels, complains, and eventually refuses. Not because the caregiver is bad, but because being handed a stranger by your own children is one more loss of control in a life that already feels like it’s losing control by the week.

So unless she genuinely can’t participate, she is part of the interview. She meets the candidates. Her opinion counts. If she strongly prefers one, that preference is close to decisive even if you’d have picked another — because the arrangement only works if she lets it work.

It’s her home, her body, her days. The caregiver is hers. Hiring as if it’s your decision alone is the quiet mistake underneath a lot of failed arrangements.

Red flags — the ones worth walking away over

• Refuses or stalls on a background check or references.
• Speaks with contempt about a former client or badmouths a past family.
• Is evasive about gaps in their work history.
• Pushes to be paid only in cash, off the books. (That’s also the classification problem from the hiring page — it exposes you.)
• Wants access to accounts, cards, or documents early, or brings up your parent’s finances unprompted.
• Your parent is visibly uneasy and can’t articulate why. Believe her.
• Any answer that involves force, secrecy, or keeping something from you.

Where this fits

This is the second half of hiring. The first half — the three ways to hire, what each costs, and the tax trap in the cheapest one — is here: hiring an in-home caregiver →

And if you’re still weighing whether to hire at all: what in-home care actually costs →, and whether Medicare covers any of it →.

Questions families ask

What questions should I ask when interviewing a caregiver?

Ask scenario questions that reveal judgment and temperament, not just credentials — for example, how they’d handle a parent who refuses to shower, accuses them of stealing, or falls and asks them to keep it secret. Follow with honest history questions like what they find hardest about the work and why they left their last position. How they answer a difficult scenario tells you more than any certificate.

How do I do a background check on a private caregiver?

Get the caregiver’s full legal name, date of birth, and written consent, then run a criminal background check and check your state’s elder-abuse and nurse-aide registries. Add a driving record if they’ll transport your parent, and consider a credit check if they’ll have any access to money. A caregiver who refuses consent to a background check should not be hired.

What are the red flags when hiring a caregiver?

The clearest red flags are refusing a background check, speaking with contempt about past clients, insisting on cash-only off-the-books pay, showing early interest in your parent’s finances, and any answer involving force or secrecy. Trust your parent’s discomfort, too — if she’s uneasy and can’t say why, treat that as a serious signal.

Should I do a trial shift before hiring a caregiver?

Yes — a paid trial shift is the single most predictive step in hiring a caregiver. A few hours or a full day with your parent shows you what no interview can: whether the caregiver spots hazards unprompted, how they handle real tasks, and whether your parent relaxes or tenses around them. Watch your parent’s body language more than the caregiver’s answers.

Should my parent be involved in choosing their caregiver?

Yes, whenever they’re able to participate, because the caregiver is theirs and an arrangement they didn’t agree to usually fails. A parent who wasn’t consulted often resists, cancels, or refuses care — not because the caregiver is bad, but because being handed a stranger feels like another loss of control. If your parent strongly prefers one candidate, that preference should weigh heavily.

What can’t I legally ask a caregiver in an interview?

You cannot ask about age, religion, disability, national origin, marital status, or health — these are protected characteristics and asking about them is discriminatory. Keep every question focused on the work itself: their experience, how they’ve handled specific situations, their reliability, and their references. The same limits apply when you call references.

Last verified: 15 July 2026 · Next review: January 2027

This page is educational and is not legal advice. Mark Duda is not an attorney. Anti-discrimination rules, background-check requirements, and consent laws vary by state — verify your obligations before screening or hiring. If you suspect elder abuse, neglect, or financial exploitation, contact your state’s Adult Protective Services. See our disclaimers.